Safe Spaces in a Broken World

“ The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.  And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.”

 Psalm 9: 9-10

I know that it has been a terrible few weeks here in the Valley and in the country. We have had unexpected and tragic loses that affect our children directly.

The events of the past couple of weeks leave me full of rage, fear and confusion. I want to shield my children from the knowledge that other children have been killed and I want them to live in a safe place where the mountains protect them from all the evil things that could happen. But this is not the world we live in. 
Photo by Christopher Lukanich

I know that I can’t protect my boys from the knowledge of death. They know that people die when they get older. They now will learn that people can cause others to die and that youth does not protect them from tools, like guns, that were created to harm or kill. I do not want them to be afraid of death or for death to be a fictional thing that only happens in a movie or to someone else. We are going to talk about what has happened in an age appropriate manner.

The other part of our discussion will be about finding safe places. Our children need to know that they have spaces where they are safe to talk or just be. Giving our children a place where they belong that is comfortable and safe is one of the most important things we can do as parents. I don’t mean a place where kids forget about the world around them but a place where it is safe for them to examine the world and what is happening. A place or person that they can talk to when the world comes in conflict with what we have taught them and a space where they can feel all the feelings of anger, hurt, pain, silliness, thanksgiving and joy.  Our children need to hear that they have a place where they can be wholly human. They need to learn how to react to their own failures and disappointments appropriately. They need learn this from us at home, from their teachers, mentors and from the church.

I am nervous about having these conversations with my 3 and 7-year-old boys but I don’t see how I can avoid it. Finally I want my boys and all of our children to know that none of these people died alone. I want them to understand that the God who created us and has known us since before we were born is also the God who walks with us always. I want the boys to understand that they do not need to be frozen by fear because God is always with them. That will be the focus of our conversation about safe spaces.

Here are some questions to help you have this conversation with your children:
  • Ask them if they know what has happened. Ask them to tell you what they know in their own words. Do they have any questions? ( This will help you guide the conversation better.) 
  • How are you feelings and how can I help you? If you hear your child say the same things you are feeling, please tell them that you too are struggling. How can we get through this tragedy together?
  • Where is your safe place? Where can you just be yourself? Who do you talk to when you are upset?
  • Do you ever pray about your feelings?
  • Where do we find God in the tragedies? Assure them that God has not cause these things to happen but that God can be a safe place for them to turn and that God is always with them.       
  • Please tell them that Father Brooks, Mother Emily, Mrs. Cotton and Rebecca are available to answer their questions and to listen to them about anything. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Values? But Why?

Image
Will you by your prayers and witness help this child to grow into the full stature of Christ? Parents and Godparents: I will, with God's help. (Book of Common Prayer, 302) Prayer Bench in Blacksburg, VA  When was the last time your family saw you praying outside of church? When have you involved your children or godchildren in the acts of kindness you do for others because your see God in them? These are personal things that many of us do not think to share with our children. I did not grow up knowing that my parents prayed beyond the dinner table or that they gave to those who had less than we did. I know this now but as a child I was unaware. In Matthew 6 it says “And whenever you pray, do not be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, so that they may be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward. But whenever you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who i
Read more

SAYING “I’M SORRY”

Image
“Dear People of God: The first Christians observed with great devotion the days of our Lord's passion and resurrection, and it became the custom of the Church to prepare for them by a season of penitence and fasting. This season of Lent provided a time in which converts to the faith were prepared for Holy Baptism. It was also a time when those who, because of notorious sins, had been separated from the body of the faithful were reconciled by penitence and forgiveness, and restored to the fellowship of the Church. Thereby, the whole congregation was put in mind of the message of pardon and absolution set forth in the Gospel of our Savior, and of the need which all Christians continually have to renew their repentance and faith. ”  ( Invitation to Lent on Ash Wednesday, Book of Common Prayer, p. 264-265 ) “I don’t want you to put dirt on my head.” My son told me this the other day as we talk about why it was going to be a crazy week in our family. I tried to tell him tha
Read more

Rest and Restoration: Even for God!

Image
“ He makes me lie down in green pastures, and leads me beside still waters.”                                                                  Psalm 23: 2 Piney Lake near Vail, CO Photo by Emily Lukanich On Sunday, we heard about the 2 nd verse of the 23 rd Psalm. God provides us with rest both for our bodies and our souls. A sheep that is able to lie down in a pasture, and not be alert for an attack, is able to rest and recover. The sheep is not only safe but it is in a place where it’s needs for food and water are also met. The sheep is able to have true rest that heals and rebuilds. We have in our progress lost the art of rest. We get constant alerts on our phones. We are able to binge on TV shows. We are even able to not turn off the lights because we reach the good part of our book. We have a difficult time sleeping and relaxing. I find it very hard to turn everything off, both externally and internally, and stop, rest and recover from the many demands of daily life.
Read more